Jul. 9th, 2009

theloldog: (Default)
Today my human poured a large volume of water on my head.


I am serious.

My human put me in a very large, slippery box and poured water on me.  When I was thoroughly soaking (and not at all happy about it), she put smelly stuff on her hands and rubbed it all over me.  Normally I do not mind being rubbed, but  this experience was entirely different.  The smelly stuff frothed on my fur and made me turn white.  I am not white, I am a beautiful reddish brown.  I should not be turned white, because the emergency food supply is a white dog and I am not the emergency food supply. 

Afte r I turned white, my human poured even more water on my head.  She wrapped me in a big cloth and rubbed me some more, and then she let me go.

The first thing I did was to make sure I smelled like myself again by rolling and twisting and contorting until all of the bits of me that smelled wrong had been in contact with the carpet which I have cleverly impregnated with my individual scent.  Scenting the carpet was a precautionary measure at first, but it was clearly very Wise, because if I had not done it I would still smell Baby Powder Fresh.  Then I demanded compensation.

I stood in the kitchen and indicated to the human that she should open the Treat Door and get me a slice of Dog Salami.  This is not like Human Salami, because Dog Salami is made from chikkin and thus is infinitely superior to other Salamis.

In the couse of the human's oddly baptismal ritual, she made a Discovery.  When she took off my collar, she saw that there is a bald patch on my chest where the collar has been rubbing against my fur.  I think she did not like this Discovery, because she has not put the collar back on.

I do not understand why I have to wear a collar.  The government implanted a chip between my shoulders that has more information on it than you can fit on a tag, and usually the reason for a collar is to have somewhere to hang a tag.  The same government that implanted the chip insists, though, that I have to have a chip AND a tag.  I think this is Unnecessarily Redundant.

I wonder how my human will handle this situation?  I think my bald patch upset her.  Maybe she won't put the collar back on.  Maybe she will buy me a special padded collar.  I do not know what her plan is, but I am sure that I will find out.

At the same time as my human was pouring water on my head, another dog two storeys below me was having water poured on its head, too.  This is a new dog, who I have not met, but we had a Conversation two nights ago that my human seemed upset about.  I do not know why she does not want me to talk to this new dog.  Humans are very strange.

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theloldog

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Acknowledgement

Being a dog has its disadvantages. For instance, I have neither prehensile fingers nor opposeable thumbs. Because of this, this journal is ghost written by a human. She is my human, you can not have her.

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