My human has been spending time with an Alternate Dog. This dog is an Alternate Dog because she is by no means a Substitute – I am far too unique for there to be anything other than inferior copies and Alternate Dogs. I have met this Alternate dog, and she is OLD. When I met her I asked her if she wanted to play with me and she declined. I was very put out, and tried to play with her anyway. Then she got grumpy. This is how I know she is old – young, sprightly, happy-go-lucky scamps such as myself do not get grumpy. We have been known to sulk, and occasionally to be gruff, but never grumpy.
The problem with the time spent with this Alternate Dog is it means my Human is Very Far Away, and this I do not like. I like it very much when she comes back, but not so much when she leaves and when she is not here. I do not like this alternate dog, I suspect she is the reason for my Human’s prolonged absences. They say it is something to do with her teeths, but I am dubious. My teeths are just fine, and she is my Human, and my human and I have grown to be very much alike, and as such her teeths must also be fine. There is absolutely no flaw to my logic on this point.
I have a new game I like to play with my Humans – I call it the ‘So Happy’ game. Every time I was exuberantly happy, my Human would sing, “So happy, so happy!” to me. And so, now when she sings “So Happy” I go from zero to bouncing with joy in a split second. I do not think my Human realises just how easily I make associations.
I have also been spending a lot of time flolloping in the long grass in my outside (it needs to be Short Grass, say the Humans, but I like to pretend I am hunting through a Jungle for lost treasures, and so I think it needs to stay long). This has led to me smelling not just like a Dog, but also like a Dog who has been rolling in grass. My humans do not appreciate my entirely natural perfume, and I have an inkling that they are going to be pouring water on my head sometime soon.
Must dash – there is someone walking past the hoose and I must tell that person to Keep On Walking, Buddy.