theloldog: (Default)
 My human has been behaving strangely.  I think there must be something in the water she is drinking.  I have drunk some of it and it is hot and does not taste like water and makes me go zooooooooooom.  I do not like the water that the human drinks, and I do not think that she should drink it because it makes her act very oddly indeed.

Allow me to describe the behaviour.  My human gets up from the couch, gathers the things a human leaves the house with, goes to the door, and then turns around, puts her things down, and sits back down.  And then she does it again, and again, and again, while I watch in utter confusion.  I think that my human has developed something like an obsessive compulsive disorder, or perhaps she is afraid of the Outside and thus is agoraphobic.  She tells me that it is because I have a Panic Disorder in which I Panic because the humans have left me alone.  This does not strike me as particularly likely - it is completely rational for me to panic when I don't know if my humans are coming back.  The human tells me that my panic is Destructive, and that I might hurt myself, but the only way in which I think I am likely to be hurt is if the humans do not come back and feed me.  The foods are all on very high shelves and thus are not what my human refers to as Fair Game for me.

Speaking of games, my human has come up with a new one.  This game involves diced ham, which is the greatest thing in the WORLD.  I do not really understand the game, because all it seems to involve is her throwing diced ham into the Awful Box, which I then go in and get.  I do understand that if I stay inside the Awful Box, rather than coming out again, I get more diced ham, and quicker.  I also know that if a human tries to close the door to the Awful Box, I will go Berzerk.  I think that my human knows this, and this is why she will not close the door to the Awful Box while I am in it.

On the whole, it can be said that I approve of games that involve diced ham, even if they involve such things as the Awful Box.
theloldog: (Default)
I have many Ideas about what to post.  I expect I will be a prolific blogger.  In the future I will talk about the Alphabet and Helioparalysis, but today my topic is the game of Fetch.

Fetch is not as simple as the 'human throws, dog chases and brings back' paradigm.  There are many variants.  For instance, there is 'human throws, dog chases, dog fails to find, dog returns without' and its corollary, 'human throws, dog chases, dog fails to find, dog brings back something else'.  There is also 'human throws, dog chases and brings back but fails to surrender' - that is one of my favourite variants because it combines the game of Fetch with another favourite of mine, Tug-of-War (also known as 'Never Give Up, Never Surrender').  These variants on the game of Fetch are the ones I play when I am feeling Energetic.

When I am feeling Clever, the game of Fetch is played differently.  It goes something like this:

I sit on the couch with an item that I am allowed to chew or otherwise consume.  Using my paw or my nose, I throw the item off the couch.  I then look at the nearest human, and wait until the human understands that he or she must Fetch the item.  The human brings the item back, and then I might chew it for a while, or I might throw it again straight away.

This game is a perfect example of how Classical Conditioning can, in fact, work against a human.  I have learned that the human will pick up things for me if I drop them, and I am conditioning other humans to do the same.  It helps that I can look Adorable and Mournful on demand when I have, in fact, sneakily thrown the item rather than having it drop and become too difficult for me to reach.

Humans have discovered that Classical Conditioning is a very simple concept.  They have not, on the whole, realised that it is so simple that a small, funny lookin' dog can learn how to use it against them.

Humans can be obtuse sometimes.


theloldog: (Default)

March 2010



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Being a dog has its disadvantages. For instance, I have neither prehensile fingers nor opposeable thumbs. Because of this, this journal is ghost written by a human. She is my human, you can not have her.

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