theloldog: (Default)
I do not know what happened.  I was in the re-education camp, then I was with my humans, then there was this small yellow pill.  The next thing I remember is getting out of the wheely zoomy box ... on MARS.  Or maybe not actually Mars, but it might as well be.

My couch is here.  The humans' bed is here.  There are things that smell like me, but I think they're meant to fool me.  I am not fooled.  I do NOT know where I am, familiar scents notwithstanding.

My humans and I, and an inexplicable assortment of familiar items have been Transported. 

My humans don't seem to have been adversely affected, but I am definitely suffering for the change.  It does not help that my humans have gone mad.  They keep trying to convince me that it is a good idea to go up and down a flight of Stairs.  This is Not a Good Idea.  I am not built for stairs.  I am too delicate.  Steps, yes.  Stairs, no.  I get carried up stairs.  That is how it works.  My humans seem to have forgotten this.  So perhaps they have been made amnesic by the Transportation.

The humans also have failed to notice that my floor space has shrunk.  I need to do two laps of the lounge room for every one I used to do BT (Before Transportation).  I notice these things, because I am Observant.  I have made an Empirical Study of the dimensions of this floor, and it is definitely smaller.

The other thing that is small and different and that I do not like is the Box.  The Box has an open door.  I know it is a trap, so even though my bedding is in the Box, I will not go inside.  The door will close on me and I will be Transported again, and this is an Unacceptable Outcome of an easily avoided set of actions (ie going inside the Box and lying down).

I am not sure how I feel about life on Mars (or wherever this is...).  I will have to further explore the area to make an accurate assessment of its suitability.  I know that there are other dogs here.  I have had Conversations with them.  I have also met some humans.  There are a lot of those here.
theloldog: (Default)
Yesterday, my human and [livejournal.com profile] arthwollipot took me to The Place Where Dogs Run Free.  There were many dogs, and most of them were very much bigger than me.  Some dogs tried to gang up on me.  I think they wanted to play, but I am a Sensible dog who will only rarely play with a single dog who is bigger than me (such as [profile] jetta_the_dog ), and never with more than one dog who is bigger than me, so I did not want to be played with.

An advantage of being me is that I am small and it is easy to get me out of trouble by picking me up and walking away with me.  Larger dogs do not have this advantage, but larger dogs may have less need to be rescued.

I like The Place Where Dogs Run Free.  It has many new smells and humans who recognise my superiority in terms of looks and temperament.  I got lots of attention.

In other news, I have finally gained back the weight I lost when I was in captivity.  I now look like this again:



My human suspects that if I eat too much I may start to look like this:



That is not a dachshund, it is a bearded seal.  I do not think that eating too much will turn me into a bearded seal, but I do see a slight resemblance in the face, so I can see how my human would make this mistake.

Anyway, I had better sign off.  My human has just realised that I have been playing with her crochet again, and now there is yarn all over the floor for her to contend with.  Sometimes I am a cause of exasperation.

theloldog: (Default)
Apparently I had a birthday.  It was the 4th of June.  My human thinks this is important.  She also thinks my anniversary, which happened two months later, is important.  I don't know why I have a birthday and an anniversary.  Humans are strange.

I met some more of them today.  I was taken in the wheely zoomy metal box thing to a place that had more outside than in.  I didn't really like being in the wheely zoomy metal box, especially because none of the humans were with me.  The spare human (who wasn't making the wheely metal box go zoom by pressing the acceleratrix and turning the turninator) was sitting next to the human who was making the wheely metal box go zoom, and not next to me.  The zoominess was too much for me to handle without a human, so I was obnoxious until the humans made the car not zoom so one of them could sit with me.

Then we arrived at the place that had more outside than in.  I have never seen a place like that - usually that much outside has no inside, or lots of insides.  I know this because I go for walks that my human says are the equivalent of five thousand times the length of me, and we go past many insides in that distance.  I wanted to explore the outside, but the humans wanted to be in the inside, and as they had me in restraints I had to go with them.  The inside had a lot of other humans, two other dogs and a cat.  I was friendly to the other dogs.

I wanted the other dogs to like me.  I told them I am really a lot of fun when you get to know me because I like to play and run and jump and I showed them how I play and run and jump, but I don't think they were impressed.  I kept trying, though.  Sometimes when I tried they ran away.  Other times, they pretended I was not there.  I really didn't like the times they growled at me.  Those times I was glad that I had three humans inside with me.  [livejournal.com profile] arthwollipot , [profile] miss_terri_girl  and [personal profile] subtle_eye  are some of my humans, and they were all inside so I could go to them and ask them why the other dogs didn't like me.  They think it is just because I am too small and the other dogs are scared of things that are small.  I don't understand.  I am not scared of things that are too big, and most things are too big for me because I am small, but I am very long so I am sure that makes up for it.

I also met a cat.  I did not tell it it was a cat, because when I met it it looked at me as if to say, "Oh, another one," and then lost interest.  I think the humans liked me, though.  They gave me plate food.  One of the other dogs was given food that I didn't get, so when he was not looking I used my wits and wiles to steal some of it.  It was meat.  I like meat.  I also like using my wits and wiles, like I did to eat the packet of biscuits the vegan human gave me that my humans left on the dining table.  I am worried that [profile] miss_terri_girl has already forgotten that in the alphabet D is for "Didn't think you could get up there ..."

Later I will tell you about the inside that I live in, but now I have a new human, [livejournal.com profile] oothoona , who I am keeping an eye on while pretending to sleep.  I am ever vigilant.  You can never tell when a human will do something silly, like go to the kitchen and completely forget that they went there to get me a piece of dog salami, so I have to keep watch.  Especially on new humans who probably do not know how these things work.

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theloldog

March 2010

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Acknowledgement

Being a dog has its disadvantages. For instance, I have neither prehensile fingers nor opposeable thumbs. Because of this, this journal is ghost written by a human. She is my human, you can not have her.

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