theloldog: (Default)
I have met the Enemy. The Enemy is 'completely mad', and wants a white fluffy cat, and the Enemy's mission in life is to Get Rid Of me. The Enemy is hence my Nemesis.

Recently my human went away. She was very sick so her human vet sent her to a sick house for sick humans with sicknesses. I am secretly glad that humans also have vets that make them swallow vile concoctions and put things in their ears and noses and jab them with pointy things, but that is beside the point. While my human was away, The Enemy made a move. The Enemy invaded my house and picked things up and put them down again in the wrong places and ransacked and deviously reorganised every thing putty inny box so my human would suffer Confusion and Anxiety and would perhaps not notice my absence in her Confusion.

You see, the last thing the Enemy did was shove me in a cage and forcibly remove me from my home. I was taken to a Facility at an Undisclosed Location and placed under guard. I tried to escape, but the walls were too high for me to jump and too thick to tunnel under. They tried to poison me. They laced chikkin mince with Advantage, which tastes so vile it MUST be poison. I did not eat it, even though there was chikkin. Even in my weakened state, I continued my escape attempts. They cut my claws so I could not dig, and they tried to subdue me with the most insidious form of torture known to canine - water and shampoo. I did not lose hope. I knew that my human would find out what the Enemy had done and would rescue me, even if she could not leave the sick house for sick humans with sicknesses. I persevered through nearly three weeks of captivity. My spirit was not broken.

And then the glorious day arrived - [livejournal.com profile] subtle_eye stormed the Facility in the wheely zoomy metal box thing, defeated my captors with Money, and together we rescued my human from her own captivity. She had also been locked in a Facility, but that is another story.

I was so happy to see my human again. Because of his valiant efforts, I have decided that [livejournal.com profile] subtle_eye is Good People. I wasn't sure at first. He took me to the outside and tried to abandon me because I am Competition for my human's affections. I think he saw me as a Threat. I think this because I definitely saw him as a Threat, especially when he took me to the big outside and tried to trick me into getting lost. I was too smart for him, though. I saw right through his plan. I saw through it because it is exactly what I would have done to Get Rid Of him. Now I am glad I didn't try to Get Rid Of him, because he rescued me and returned me to my human. He is clearly also an enemy of my Nemesis, and an enemy of my enemy is my friend.

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theloldog

March 2010

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Acknowledgement

Being a dog has its disadvantages. For instance, I have neither prehensile fingers nor opposeable thumbs. Because of this, this journal is ghost written by a human. She is my human, you can not have her.

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