theloldog: (Default)
 My human has been behaving strangely.  I think there must be something in the water she is drinking.  I have drunk some of it and it is hot and does not taste like water and makes me go zooooooooooom.  I do not like the water that the human drinks, and I do not think that she should drink it because it makes her act very oddly indeed.

Allow me to describe the behaviour.  My human gets up from the couch, gathers the things a human leaves the house with, goes to the door, and then turns around, puts her things down, and sits back down.  And then she does it again, and again, and again, while I watch in utter confusion.  I think that my human has developed something like an obsessive compulsive disorder, or perhaps she is afraid of the Outside and thus is agoraphobic.  She tells me that it is because I have a Panic Disorder in which I Panic because the humans have left me alone.  This does not strike me as particularly likely - it is completely rational for me to panic when I don't know if my humans are coming back.  The human tells me that my panic is Destructive, and that I might hurt myself, but the only way in which I think I am likely to be hurt is if the humans do not come back and feed me.  The foods are all on very high shelves and thus are not what my human refers to as Fair Game for me.

Speaking of games, my human has come up with a new one.  This game involves diced ham, which is the greatest thing in the WORLD.  I do not really understand the game, because all it seems to involve is her throwing diced ham into the Awful Box, which I then go in and get.  I do understand that if I stay inside the Awful Box, rather than coming out again, I get more diced ham, and quicker.  I also know that if a human tries to close the door to the Awful Box, I will go Berzerk.  I think that my human knows this, and this is why she will not close the door to the Awful Box while I am in it.

On the whole, it can be said that I approve of games that involve diced ham, even if they involve such things as the Awful Box.
theloldog: (Default)
Yesterday, I et a packet of peppermint tea bags.  I got them from the dining table.  I nearly et some organic dutch cocoa, but it wouldn't come out of the jar.  I also et the plushie representing our emergency food supply.  My human was not happy.  She says this does not bode well for her survival in the zombie apocalypse.  She says if I will not at least ration our emergency food supply it does not bode well for my survival, either.

My human bought me a new plushie yesterday.  It was turtle shaped and floofy and colourful and it squeeked and I killed it.  Now I have a deflated turtle-plushie carcass and the lounge room carpet is covered in turtle-plushie viscera.  The squeekers still work, though.  That is on my list for today.  Kill the squeeekers.  Kill them dead.  It may also be on my human's list.

So far today I have baleeted my human's livejournal bookmark.  She still can not work out how I did it.  I think she underestimates my knowledge of Firefox keyboard shortcuts.  I have further plans, but they will wait until I have dealt with this donut shaped rawhide thingy my human has just given me.  I must gnaw it into submission before any further plans can be put into action.

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theloldog

March 2010

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Acknowledgement

Being a dog has its disadvantages. For instance, I have neither prehensile fingers nor opposeable thumbs. Because of this, this journal is ghost written by a human. She is my human, you can not have her.

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