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In which I write a list
Contrary to what some may think, there are many reasons why I am good for my human. In case anyone wishes to dispute this, I am writing a List. This is my List so far:
- I do not let her sleep past 10am. If she tries to, I get all up in her face about it. Literally. I do not stop until she realises that trying to stay in bed is not worth finding out how far I can stick my tongue up her nose.
- I make her get exercise. This is because I am a mad bugger with way more energy than my mass would suggest who demands at least a 40 minute walk every day.
- I make her do housework, like vacuuming the carpet. I am very clever about it, too. The other day I knocked over a vase full of dried flowers and then I shredded them and spread the detritus all over the lounge room floor. There were many sticks, which I stripped and then turned into very small woodchips what could only be got out of the carpet by the use of the vaccum. I must add that this particular example is a huge sacrifice for me - I do not like the vacuum. It is the only household cleaning implement I do not want to play with. If she could clean the carpet with a feather duster I would be much happier, but I think this is not actually possible.
- I make it necessary for her to go near a grocery store every so often, because the grocery store is near to the place she goes to buy me things to chew on that are not her furniture or her fingers. I like to chew things, and she should eat, which requires food. Therefore this arrangment is mutually beneficial.
- On the subject of chewing, my human has learned that if she values a thing and does not put it away where I cannot get it, I will probably chew on it. So if she does not want it chewed on, she has to put it away.
- I am also completely adorable, so even if I am not being obnoxious I cannot be ignored. This is good as it stops her from spending the day mostly catatonic, which is a bad thing for her because she are not a cat, and if she were a cat it would be my duty to tell her that she were a cat, and then she could not be catatonic because I would be being obnoxious and this would get a Reaction of some sort.