Dec. 24th, 2009

theloldog: (Default)
My humans would like you all to know that they have a 'hoose for the hoond'. I have determined that the 'hoond' is, in fact, me. So I have a hoose. I have never had a hoose before, so I am not sure what it is.

It is relevant to my interests to find out exactly what is a hoose, as it will be hard for me to appreciate having one if I do not understand what it is for.

These things I know about the hoose:

1)It has an outside. In fact, it has an outside in the front, and an outside in the back. These outsides are enclosed by fences. Therefore I can footle and flollop in safety, and this outside will be mine entirely so I will not have to share it with other, bigger, hoonds. My humans took me to flollop in the outside of the hoose this evening. There were interesting smells and other hoonds that I could talk to but could not see, and there were shrubberies.

2)There is a park near the hoose. I also flolloped around the park this evening. It is a Place Where Dogs Run Free, so I can Socialise with other hoonds, with supervision.

3)The humans are very happy about the hoose. They keep talking about Space, and Location. I gather, though, that the most important feature of this hoose is that it is Suitable for me. I know that this is the most important feature because, as the only genuine hoond, I am the most important member of the pack.

4) I was instrumental in obtaining this hoose. My resume and references were submitted to the owner of the hoose, along with a photo of me (looking rather dashing, even if I do say so myself). My resume is impressive. I have two obedience training diplomas and a certificate from a private trainer, a reference from a canine behaviourist, and a character reference from [livejournal.com profile] earthnative. I am given to understand that some hoose owners do not want hoonds in their hooses, but with my Credentials I was able to persuade the hoose owner to give us the hoose.

I have not been into the inside of the hoose, but the humans can't go into the hoose until the 8th of January. It is Vacant, but it is not OUR hoose until then.

I think that having a hoose is a Good Thing, and as such I approve of it.
theloldog: (Default)
We went to the parking lot viewing box again last night. The picture was about blue humans with tails. This fact made them Superior, in my opinion, to other humans. If humans had tails, they would be more like hoonds, and that can only be a good thing.

In the picture, the humans without tails did not realise that the blue humans were Special, if not Superior to regular humans. This meant that the regular humans were not relevant to my interests. I think that the non-tailed humans were jealous of the blue humans with tails, and tried to find out how to get tails of their own by using Brute Force and Ignorance. I did not really like the regular humans, so I slept through all of the parts where there were lots of them.

My favourite part of the picture by far had to do with some lizards with wings, but telling you about that would be spoilerish, and I do not want to spoil it for you.

My humans bought a chikkin today. I know because I can smell it. I think that the chikkin is for me, because the humans do not eat chikkin. I do not really understand this, because to me chikkin is the Best Thing Ever. I also do not understand why the humans will not give me the chikkin now, no matter how loudly I tell them to.

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theloldog

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Acknowledgement

Being a dog has its disadvantages. For instance, I have neither prehensile fingers nor opposeable thumbs. Because of this, this journal is ghost written by a human. She is my human, you can not have her.

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